Compendium of corny and clean Christmas jokes sent by some friends. Share with family members of all ages to generate groans and grins. Enjoy!
Santa & Associates:
Q.What’s red & white & gives presents to gazelles?
A. Santalope
Q. Who delivers cats’ Christmas presents?
A. Santa Paws
Q. Who delivers elephants’ Christmas presents?
A. Elephanta Claus (What?)
Q. How does Santa Claus take pictures?
A. With a North Pole-aroid camera.
Elves:
Q. Did Rudolph go to regular school?
A. No he was elf-taught and gnome-schooled.
Q.How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Ten! One to change the light bulb, and nine to stand on each other’s shoulders!
Q. What’s the first thing elves learn in school?
A. The elf-abet.
Q. How do elves greet each other?
A. “Small world, isn’t it?”
Candles:
Q. Why is a burning candle like being thirsty?
A. A little water ends both.
Q. How long does it take to burn a candle down?
A. About a wick.
Miscellaneous:
Q.What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
A. The letter “D”!
Q. Why are real Christmas trees like bad knitters?
A. They both drop their needles!
Q. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A. “Thanks! This is a gift I’ll never part with!”
Q. What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
A. “Jungle bells! Jungle bells!...”
Q. Who’s never hungry at Christmas?
A. The turkey! He’s always stuffed!!
Q. What’s the best thing to put into a Christmas cookie?
A. Your teeth!
Snowmen:
Q. What do snowmen wear on their heads?
A. Ice caps!
Q What do snowmen each for lunch?
A. Icebergers & frostys.
Q. How do snowmen travel around?
A. By iceicle
Q.What do you get if you cross a snowman with a shark?
A. Frost bite.
*************
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in their craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
************
One December day, two aerials met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was perfect!
***************
Looking for a good Christmas turkey, a woman picked through the frozen birds in the poultry bin at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one large enough to feed her family. Exasperated, she finally asks a stock boy, "Young man, do these turkeys get any bigger?" "No, ma'am," he replied, "They're dead."
*******************
Buford and Bubba tramped up into the far north woods, out looking for a Christmas tree. They were all bundled up from head to toe, carrying their hatchets and a coil of rope to tie on and drag it back. They had thought of everything. They were all set. .......... but they couldn't find the right tree. They searched for hours, slogging through knee-deep snow. The wind was blowing and the wolves were howling, but they persevered. Had to get that Christmas tree. Finally, as the sun was beginning to head downward, one turned to the other and said, "That's it! I've had enough! The next tree we come to, we're going to cut it down, whether it's decorated or not!"
